She blooms like burning.

the cheese stands alone

2009-07-05T20:16:35Z

It really hurts losing your best friend. It hurts more when you don't even know until you read their facebook and find out through a survey they decided to post. I did my best though. I was there for her when she needed me most, I consoled her when her heart was breaking, tried to make her smile when she was feeling blue. But we had a lot of good times too. We played with our Barbies when we were younger, and sang along to our favorite Spice Girls songs when they were in. XD We had so many inside jokes and...life just seemed much more fun.

I used to say that it's not worth having friends because they either betray you or leave you. But now that I've lost yet another friend...a really dear friend...I feel different. I'd rather keep the good memories even if she hates me right now and remember how good it felt to have someone like her to rely on. I just hope that it won't be long before I make another really good friend.

Time to go.

Don't give up!

2009-07-03T02:41:35Z

Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow
Blue birds fly
And the dreams that you dreamed of
Dreams really do come true ooh ooooh
Someday I'll wish upon a star
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me ee ee eeh
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney tops that's where you'll find me oh
Somewhere over the rainbow bluebirds fly
And the dream that you dare to,why, oh why can't I?

Well I see trees of green and
Red roses too,
I'll watch them bloom for me and you
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world

Well I see skies of blue and I see clouds of white
And the brightness of day
I like the dark and I think to myself
What a wonderful world

The colors of the rainbow so pretty in the sky
Are also on the faces of people passing by
I see friends shaking hands
Saying, "How do you do?"
They're really saying, I...I love you
I hear babies cry and I watch them grow,
They'll learn much more
Than we'll know
And I think to myself
What a wonderful world...world!

Someday I'll wish upon a star,
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where trouble melts like lemon drops
High above the chimney top that's where you'll find me
Oh, Somewhere over the rainbow way up high
And the dream that you dare to, why, oh why can't I?

FOR YOUR LISTENING PLEASURE

tired of these motherfcking snakes in my motherfcking basement

2009-06-26T18:16:19Z

O

M

G

There is a snake in my basement. As much as I love snakes...I am not doing battle with it.

Snake...er...I'm going to call you Randi...you can chill there if you want. Just don't come out, kay?

And the drums, the drums, the drums, the drums...

2009-06-18T01:11:15Z

S-s-s-s-ssooo....today was absolutely amazing. And...I feel...so...alive.

I made him smile...laugh...it made me so happy. Sometimes...I don't know. It just feels like the little things are enough for me. kajdsfkjasdf That sounds absolutely weird...I KNOW! I can't put it into words. All I can say for now is that...I really, really wonder if something is growing from this. I really had to come out of my shell today...it was well worth it though.

=)

Decided to read Koukou Debut, and I must say that I adore it so far. The characters just crack me up. Yoh and his friends are brilliant. XDDD And I usually get annoyed by characters like this, but Haruna just makes me laugh. Very straight forward and in your face. She's fun. Very over dramatic, but it just puts a smile on my face.

Exciting Times

2009-06-14T03:02:32Z

This is waaaaaaayyyyy late, but I still wanted to send my love to umi_mizuno for her birthday! I wanted you to feel extra happy, especially now, so I made you some icons. You don't have to use of course, but I hope they put a smile on your face. ♥

I've been spending most of my time planning for Otakon. I like planning trips, so much fun. This will be my 4th year I believe. Kind of sad that this year I won't be going with other friends. Funds are low for them. D: Sucks majorly. All well. I'll still be meeting some people when I actually get there, so it's not a major loss. I'm excited as hell though. It's soooo close.

*flail* SO MUCH TO DO, SO LITTLE TIME!

I'm booked for the Radisson Lord Baltimore. This will be the closest to the actual convention center I've ever stayed. XD Which is great cause now I can sleep in a bit later, and won't need a taxi to take me back and forth. Whoo!

Oh, Internet...

2009-05-25T22:12:28Z

Oh, Internetz...how I miss thee...

Let me count the ways!

*sigh* I think if I keep working overtime I will just die from over exhaustion. Nope...can't do this job anymore. Nope, nope. Can't wait to go back to school. Hurry Fall...HURRY!

Blah...at least I'll have off Wednesday and Friday. I can't wait. T___T I'll be home soon Internetz...WAIT FOR ME! YOU TOO PHOTOSHOP! WE'LL MAKE MORE PRETTIES TOGETHER! PROMISE! *goes back to work*

I hate that I love you.

2009-04-30T03:11:53Z

I was selfish the other day, and bought a necklace by Zachery Pryor. His work is so crazy, and I love it. I want to buy this one on the right next. It's so...I don't know...like I saw it in this store called OMOI that I go to on occasion in the city. I never really splurge on anything, but when I saw this necklace...I was like. My god...I want it. I just want it. So I got the necklace. And I've been wearing it proud. XDDD

If felt good though. I'm always taking care of others and never taking care of myself or ever worrying about my needs. So....WHOO! I GOT A PRETTY NECKLACE!

*smile and nod*

God...why is it so hard to get over something/someone. It's just...god...argh...I feel so stupid. So very stupid. It's like...I try to put you out of my head, but it's impossible. And why the hell must you have a common name. It's like I can't escape a day even when I'm off without hearing your name. God damn it.

And so you're back from outerspace!

2009-04-25T01:29:07Z

SHE'S BACK! SHE'S BACK! MY BABY IS BACK! LAPPY HAS RETURNED AND NOT A SINGLE FOLDER WAS TOUCHED! Even photoshop is still here. Omg...I am so relieved. ;_____; I mean, it was horrible without Lappy, but it was incredibly boring not having photoshop. Gah! It was like every time I saw a picture, I was like OH! LET ME PUT THIS ON LJ! JUST HAVE TO RESIZ....OH WAIT I CAN'T! DAMNIT! But now I can. And it feels so great. I did find other things to do. Watched a ton of movies and dramas, did a lot of exploring, and made lots of plans. So it wasn't an incredibly unproductive two weeks. But...I will hope this doesn't happen for a very long time. XDD

So, sup!? Miss anything interesting?

And it continues...

2009-04-14T15:23:50Z

Day 5. O__________________________O

I have been very moody the past couple of days. Like I'm alright now, but as the day goes on I'll go from super happy, to super depressed, and then back to happy. I think it has to do with the constant mental beatup I've been giving myself. I need to stop that...like now.

But blah...late night tonight. I get off work at 7:30....sucks that it's supposed to rain all day. I'm hoping I have a better night's sleep tonight since I'll likely be tired after all the working. XD

Well, fuck...

2009-04-09T01:25:57Z

I love the fact that as soon as I really need to use my computer...it fails and now I have to send it out for repair. I couldn't turn my laptop on at all, so trying to save stuff was futile. But apparently, when I took it back to Best Buy (where I bought it) they said they can recover it and save it to their computers. Which is a major relief cause like...I definitely didn't want to lose anything...like most of the files on my computer are essential to my being. XDD Repairs are free cause of my warranty, so I'm grateful I got that when I purchased my computer. I knew it would come in handy.

I think the only downside is the fact that I will be laptopless for "1-2 weeks". I am a loser and I cried. I couldn't help it because it was my first major purchase, and to have it taken away from me...it got to me. D: It's a bummer cause now I can't make graphics, can't watch vids or download stuff. DDDDDDDDD: This will suck. But I'll still have internet. VERY BRIEFLY! I can bum off my sister's computer and then steal the internet from work. >D

Maybe this will be good for me. It will give me reason to go find things to do that need my attention.

ver. Let's Get Wild!

2009-04-06T04:06:56Z

Back! I had a lot of changes in plans this weekend. Some was disappointing, but I think the fact I got some stuff accomplished makes up for it. :) By Friday, I was completely brain dead from work and in lots of pain! After bruising my foot and being bored to death...it was such a relief I didn't have to work this weekend! And when I got home, I had this sudden burst of inspiration to actually do some stuff. This all started when I had to do some laundry. Washed all my sheets and started putting them on the bed. My cat must have crawled in there at some point between me grabbing lunch and me putting my stuff on my bed. Cause when I went to pull the sheets, her head popped out and she had this hilarious look on her face like, "WTF YOU WAKING ME UP FOR!?" Hence the picture. It was just too cute. I love her. ♥ So I started resizing my images on Photoshop...when something hit me. I want a new layout!

I don't know why...but that urge just hit me. So I started messing with a new header image. And from there I couldn't stop. Opened my base coding from way, way, way back and relearned a crap load of CSS. It involved a ton of missed hours of sleep, grumpiness from being pissed off at coding that would not work, and constant color changes. Not everything is perfect, but I am satisfied with this. Even updated my userinfo. @__@ So check it out?

blooming_cosmo blooming_cosmo
blooming_cosmo blooming_cosmo

*sigh* I think the only thing I'm really pissed off about is not being able to go to the cherry blossom festival in Philly. D: My foot really hurt, and I didn't want to injure it further. D; Dropped this block of heavy frozen plastic on my foot. I'm surprised it didn't break anything. But it left a nasty bruise...and it's so uncomfortable to walk. I'm going to try and go to the park some time this week if I have time. I still want to see the trees. :D

I know I missed this while I was away, but I didn't forget! Happy Belated Birthday nebulasan!!! I hope you got lots of presents! I send my love! ♥

Under Construction ; Proceed With Caution

2009-04-03T00:36:44Z

I'm renovating my journal. 8D What does that mean?

I won't be back until the end of the weekend. Expect things. ♥___♥

i can see u home with me <3

2009-03-21T23:48:34Z

You know that goofy feeling you get when you are totally infatuated with someone? It's like a natural high. And you wonder if every little thing means something when it most likely doesn't...but...

*sigh*

I can pretend, can't I? X3

Anyway...aside from acting like a complete dummy, I'm really looking forward to the 5th! A Cherry Blossom festival is being held not too far from me. Found out about it yesterday. I love finding all these weird treasures down here. Sometimes...and this is rare...but it makes me appreciate living in NJ. Man...couldn't even type that with a straight face. >]

I don't know. I've just been feeling really good about myself recently. Before I was just a hot mess, but now I feel different. A good different. Maybe it's because I've been eating better, taking care of myself, forcing myself to get at least 7 to 8 hours of sleep every night, exercising, green tea? I haven't the slightest clue, but I love it all. Oh, maybe it's because it's spring! FINALLY!

I think I'm going to bum it out for the rest of the night. Tomorrow I can shop. Till then though...any good recommendations for anything out there right now? Anime, manga, dramas? Currently in love with and caught up with Soul Eater and Shugo Chara. Totally "wtf"ing Naruto and Bleach. o_O And I think I need to reread some DGM, so I can remember what was going on since the manga is picking up again after so long. XD Anything else good out there?

____

2009-03-10T00:24:42Z

OMG TENTEN! LSKFJDFDF SO I LOVE YOU, AND I TOTALLY WAS TRYING TO SPREAD MY LOVE AND APPRECIATION FOR YOUR AWESOME WEAPONPWNING POWER ON YOUR BIRTHDAY, BUT WAS TOTALLY DENIED INTERNET TIME TODAY BECAUSE WORK WAS BRUTAL! SO LET ME CONTINUE TO USE MY CAP LOCKS AS I WISH YOU A....

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

OMG LOVE!

2009-03-07T15:08:28Z

OH MY GOD...

I should talk about all this fandom awesomeness and wangst. I should really relish in all of the "I told you so, bitches!" I can now spread across the interwebs. I should finish up organizing some of the communities I own. But...

IT'S FUCKING GORGEOUS OUTSIDE AND I'M NOT WASTING IT INSIDE! LATER BITCHES!

♥___________________♥

I hate being confused...

2009-02-23T07:29:43Z

I had a great weekend. I have so much going for me right now. I'm getting paid on Friday, and my vacation was well worth the wait. I got to see my friends again. I walked down familiar streets. Drove home. Now I'm sitting here...thinking about all this greatness...and I just really wonder if I'm happy with where I am right now.

The scariest part is trying to figure out how to fix it. I hate not knowing what to do. I wish things could just be clear cut...

KSDJFSKJDF YAY!

2009-02-20T21:46:38Z

YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY

TOMORROW IS GOING TO BE FUCKING AWESOME!!!

*EXCITED/EXPLODES*

blooming_cosmo @ 2009-02-18T20:31:00

2009-02-19T01:32:55Z

I have found my mortal enemy...

damn you brownies!

I need some chocolate chip cookie dough

2009-02-15T00:02:09Z

Rage. *breathe* RAGE. *breathe*

BTW HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY.

Damn you Monday!

2009-02-09T23:38:58Z

Man, today was rough. This is going to be a long ass week. Augh! I'm learning new stuff at work, and I messed up so many things. Man...I can only imagine what mayhem I created for myself tomorrow. *facepalm*

There are some awesome things to look forward to though. Time off next week, getting my hair done on the weekend, NejiTen festival, and lots of plotting and planning. I'm excited.

And a few more fantastic things are happening as well, so I must say a very much needed happy birthday to tainee and wordynessie. Good birthdays. Y/Y??? Presents and cake!? You better have had some!

PARTY TIME!

Uh-oh insecurities!

2009-02-05T07:10:26Z

I'm sure everyone has at one time or another looked in the mirror and just scrutinized every single imperfection they had.

I used to do that a lot before. But, after I started taking care of myself more and just living for my own happiness, I really just never even gave my imperfections a thought. You have to work with what you got, right?

Well, it's kind of hard when someone you used to think of as a friend tells you otherwise. My friend's mother came over the other day to speak with my mom, supposedly (the one I was ranting and raving about when I was sick). Now, she and her daughter were/are(?) on this ridiculous diet that cuts out all this crap (even though I told them that realistically they would fall off of it super quick). Well, she came over specifically to brag about how her and her daughter with losing all this weight and attracting all this attention. I was happy for them. I even gave her a congrats.

Then she said this...

"We definitely look better than you now. Hell, we still have our boobs and butts, you seem to be melting away."

Me: What? *shock*

"I bought some new suits for Kori. They look incredible. You may want to get some yourself. Your outfits are looking a bit out dated."

Me: *look of horror* WHAT!?

"Oh, and I know someone who can fix that hair of yours."

Me: O_O What's wrong with my hair?

"So dry and messy, maybe cause of the bad dye job. I'm sure she can do something with it. You need to start looking better."

Me: *KO*

Granted, I just rolled out of bed, and I'm sure I could have looked a little more put together, but I don't consider myself unattractive. Most days I actually feel pretty and confident. I'm not over weight, and I am definitely capable of putting together a cute outfit. My hair IS awesome. End story. And even though I know all of that...that convo just keeps ringing in my head.

She knows I was incredibly self-conscious in the past. I had such low self-esteem that when people asked me for pics I would come up with an excuse, run, or wait ridiculous amounts of time trying to find/take a decent pic that didn't make me feel ugly. And to hear her just so casually break me down...

I can't believe I let her get to me like this. I'm so much better than that. I just don't understand why she's being so cruel to me.

My mom chased her out of the house, and has banned her from stepping foot here or at least until someone knocks her off her high horse. It's been a few days and it still hurts. I just need to forget about this.

I'm alive, and not angry this time. XD

2009-01-28T04:13:51Z

I've pretty much felt like shit since my last entry. Still feeling a bit blah actually, but much better then I was. Ugh...my stomach keeps doing flip flops whenever I'm around food. DD: Inbox, why are you so full? ;____;

I'm happy though. Laying around by my comp has helped me get back into a lot of series I haven't been keeping up with. OMG...Shugo Chara, why are you so damned irresistible? Oh, right. Ikuto is there. *nod* I'm also highly addicted to Kobato...I really wish it wasn't a monthly update though. wtf? ;___;

Time to be angry. :D

2009-01-14T10:57:02Z

SDKLGJFLKJSDFKLJSFKJDF
I'M SO GLAD THAT WE CAN ALL RELY ON OUR FRIENDS WHEN WE ARE FEELING ILL OR JUST DOWN IN THE DUMPS!
STUPID BITCH! YES I HAVE THE STOMACH FLU, BUT UNLESS I THROW UP ON YOU OR YOU ATE THE SAME THING I DID TO GET SICK YOU AREN'T GOING TO GET IT! IT LASTS FOR A DAY OR TWO! YOU DON'T HAVE TO SEND ME A NASTY TEXT MESSAGE ABOUT HOW YOU ARE GOING TO AVOID ME LIKE THE FUCKING PLAGUE FOR A WEEK AND A HALF AND THEN SAY "GET YOUR OWN RIDE I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU"!

I USUALLY DON'T WISH THIS UPON PEOPLE BUT BECAUSE I HAVE NOT GOTTEN SLEEP IN THE PAST 24 HOURS I AM VERY BITCHY THIS MORNING NOT TO MENTION THIS IS NOT THE FIRST OFFENSE I AM CALLING HER OUT ON (LIKE OMG MY MOM TOLD ME LAST NIGHT THAT SHE TRIED STEALING MONEY FROM US I AM SO PISSED OFF AT HER). I HOPE THAT YOU GET SICK NELL! MISS YOUR SO CALLED BIG FUCKING WEEKEND! JUST LAY IN BED AND BE MISERABLE! IF YOU WONDER WHERE I AM AFTER NEXT WEEK, "I DON'T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOU EITHER!"

HAVE A NICE FUCKING MORNING EVERYONE!:DDDDDDDDDDDDDD

Oh 2009, let's not be a drag.

2009-01-13T18:17:14Z

I always feel so incredibly naive.
I wish I wasn't such an idiot when it came to boys.
Why can't they come with a manual or something?

HURRAY FOR HOLIDAYS!

2009-01-02T01:26:59Z

So I did mention some stuff about the holidays, but now I have visuals!!! And not only that, but I got some after Christmas gifts too. :OOOOO ZOMG DFJKSDJFKLSDJFSDFDFKSJDFL

Cat's gift came in the mail! ZOMG! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GOT ME THE DVDs AND THE MANGA WHICH IS NOT IN THE SHOT! *BUSY READING* BUT YOU TOTALLY ROCK! I also, got the nightmare revisited cd which is awesome! I'm going to upload it later tonight...and the movie. What a fantastic gift. *___*

I GOT THE BAG SDLKFJLSDKJFLSJDFJSLKDFSDKJLFLSKDJF THANK YOU SO MUCH MIKE! T___T Definitely one of the highlights of my holiday. Just got it today when I came home from all the festivities this week.

Love it so much that I can't stop taking pics of it. XDD

♥♥♥♥♥♥

Here's lookin' at you kid. ;)

Geez...I really need to take better pics...*face/palm*

HAPPY NEW YEARS TO ALL! I made a resolution this year to be more honest about my feelings. I tend to bottle up stuff, which I know is definitely not good, but I usually hate troubling others or making people think I'm emo...which I definitely am not. >.>; So yes, I'm going to be better about that...which means...I really need to confess something soon. It's so difficult to find the words though...